Another shocker! NOT!

Ashlee Simpson's representative has confirmed to People that she filed divorce papers on Tuesday to end her 2 1/2 year marriage to Fall Out Boy bassist, Pete Wentz. Through a spokesperson, the couple said, "After careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to file for divorce. We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son, Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our No. 1 priority." In addition to saving the letters U-M-B-E-R to use on another day, Ashlee also expressed interest in doing the following: 1) igniting the hyphen that attached the "Wentz" to her "Simpson," 2) seeking primary physical custody of the couple's 2 year old son, and 3) spousal support because repeatedly reshaping her pixie cut has (surprisingly) not sent much money in her direction.

Is Miley becoming another Britney Spears?

For the first time since she was caught smoking salvia in December, Miley Cyrus has spoken out about the incident.

Asked why such an uproar resulted from an action in which other teenagers also take part, the 18-year old seemed to actually understand her place in society for a change:

"They're not Miley Cyrus," she said. "They're not role models. So for me it was a bad decision, because of my fans and because of what I stand for."

Seriously?

Sources confirm to Us Weekly that jaw-dropping beauty Scarlett Johansson is dating legendary actor Sean Penn, with the initial spark between the pair going off due to the latter's humanitarian efforts in Haiti.

"Scarlett first reached out to Sean when she was planning to visit Haiti with Oxfam," says a source. "She knew Sean was living there in a tent and turned to him for advice."

Describing the actress as "smitten" with the Oscar winner, this insider says the pair - who are 24 years apart in age - first hooked up last month when Johansson was staying at the Chateau Marmont and filming We Bought a Zoo.

Both stars split from their spouses over the last year. Penn called it quits with Robin Wright in August, while Scarlett and Ryan Reynolds divorced in December.

Little johnny in math class.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Brett Favre may need to un-retire to pay for his lawsuits!

Brett Favre really enjoyed his one season in New York.
The NFL legend, who delivered his annual retirement speech Monday, is being sued by massage therapists Christina Scavo and Shannon O'Toole, who worked for the New York Jets in 2008. The franchise is also named in the lawsuit.
This is unrelated to the $50,000 fine Brett received from the NFL last week in conjunction with the Jenn Sterger sexting / wang photo scandal.

Joan Rivers...HOT or NOT?

Fabulous: 40 and Over

Joan Rivers showed football fans how good 77l looks when she appeared in the GoDaddy.COM Girl commercial during the Super Bowl. The comedian even wore leather shorts in the segment. "Yes, yes, yes, it's my body in the @GoDaddy ad," she tweeted soon after the commercial. (AP Photo)

Victoria Beckham and Eva Longoria Pose for LG Campaign, Battle for Bedroom Supremacy

Victoria or Eva?

The gift that keeps on giving....

A young married man was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So he did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

Final answer?

After dinner Regis and his wife, Joy, retired to the bedroom. With high hopes, Regis asked Joy if she would like to make love.
She replied with her usual, "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache."
"Hmmmm," mused Regis, "is that your final answer?"
"Yes, it is," replied Joy.
Regis thought this over for a moment and then asked, "I'd like to phone a friend."

The right man

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

A new use for Viagra

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I'm over 80 - I don't need them for sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Caught in the act!

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The boy says, "That won't work."

2010 top five places to have sex...what's yours?

1. The kitchen
2. In the pool
3. On the beach (secluded)
4. On an exercise machine
5. On an balcony

Bad luck

Mary's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!

True story....

Genie in a bottle...

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

Improved sex life!

Dana goes to her doctor and explains that her husband can't get it up like he used to and their sex life is suffering. The doctor asks, "Have you heard of a new drug named Zyban?" The lady says yes, but adds that her husband refuses to take pills of any kind. "The will make him feel less of a man." The doctor advises her to sneak it into his morning coffee.

A week goes by and the doctor asks how it went. Dana heaves a tremedous sigh, "I snuck it into his coffee like you said. And, sure enough, within 15 minutes, he cleared off the table, threw me on it and we had the best sex we'd had in 20 years." Perplexed, the doctor asks, "What's wrong with that?" Dana shakes her head and says, "I don't think i'll ever be able to show my face at McDonalds again."

Secret to marriage

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.

They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.

The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

A toast to the Bride and Groom....

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.