Biology 101...little johnny

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"

Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
 
So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye."
"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"
 
And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

How to stay married.....

At the session last week, the priest asked Cristiano, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all those years.

Cristiano announced to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treata her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary.'

The priest responded, 'Cristiano, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here. Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th
anniversary?'

Six quick ways to get rid of a blind date!

1. Repeat every third third word you say say.
2. Brag about your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.
3. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
4. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
5. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
6. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

Communication 101

It was Friday night and Joseph and his wife, Natalie, had just gotten into their third argument of the day and were now giving each other the silent treatment, vowing not to be the first one to speak.
However, at bedtime, Joseph realized that he would need his wife, who always woke up at 4:30am to wake him at 5:00am for golf with his friends. Not wanting to lose the battle of wills, Joseph wrote on a piece of paper,
"Natalie, please wake me at 5:00am."
The next morning, Joseph woke up at 9:00am, having missed the golf game with his friends. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bedside table.
It read,
 
"Joseph, it's 5:00am. Wake up."

Woman vs. Man discussion

A husband asks:

Dana, "Why do you cry and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met? It's just a movie, don't let it get to you!"

She turns with a glare and says, "For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown."